This post originally appeared on our old blog Born to be a Bride.
I’ve written in the past on the topic of Throwback Thursday. Definitely a fun stunt in taking a peek behind us and remembering what came before. Sometimes it makes me feel sad. Sometimes it makes me feel relieved. Sometimes it makes me feel like my ovaries are going to burst because Willow isn’t a newborn anymore and I’m kiiiiiind of itching to have one around (NO, we are not expecting a child anytime soon).
But these days, Thursdays are beautiful. Thursdays are good days. Thursdays begin with a morning cup of coffee and a scroll of the various social media feeds. Followed by breakfast and cuddles with my two favorite humans and an ebb and flow of work and play, a nap-time hustle followed by a long walk with a curious person. A nudge from the dog and a load of laundry. Thursdays are a day when no big plans loom — my Pilates classes are Mondays and Wednesdays, Tuesday nights are all about Wednesday deadlines, and Friday is when Josh comes home early for date night. (That’s my favorite, but Thursdays are very good, too).
Some days I feel like I’m a letdown. Like I’m letting Willow down because I’m not a stay-at-home mom who can just play with her and stare at her perfect face all day. A letdown to Josh because he earns the bulk of the family income but I have a baby on my hip and I’m running two small businesses while writing for various other people so the nights he comes home to a clean apartment and a hot meal are few and far between. (Not that men should come home to this. I am not suggesting that Josh would rather be living in the 1950s — it’s just that if I were home-home, I would like to do it all. But I’m not home-home). A letdown to myself. Because the bulk of my creative talent and time is spent elsewhere, and that damn book remains unwritten. I know I’m not a letdown to my employers. Whatever’s left of my shopping habit (after the student loan and looming medical bills are paid) relies on those employers. But that’s why I love Thursdays.
On Thursdays, we eat lunch in peace. We set up the stroller or tuck into a baby carrier and take a long walk around the neighborhood. We look at flowers, trees, and dogs. We smell the water. I work like a maniac Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, staying up hours after everyone is asleep, to get everything done in the first half of the week so I can better enjoy the second. Is it to say that some Thursdays don’t come with their challenges? Certainly not. But these days, I’ve learned to treat Thursday afternoons as my standing date with my daughter and myself. Sometimes I even leave my phone at home. But always we swing by Starbucks (iced grade decaf for me, banana for her), sit on a bench, and watch the boats go by.
Thursdays are for reflecting on what I’m doing right. To forgive myself for not getting enough sleep or making enough money or remembering to buy lemons. Thursdays are an escape from the thoughts of doubt that linger every other day. A chance to press pause on the chaos and remember that my small person will never be this small again. Her eyes, filled with wonder and her tiny, breathy voice will grow and change along with her. As the weeks and months and years fly by, I hope I’ll always remember our Thursdays. I hope I’ll be able to close my eyes and picture the puzzle pieces on the floor and the gobs of drool on my clothes and smile. On Thursdays, I spend the moment in the moment. Which is why I wrote this yesterday.
